"The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage."
-- J. Jacques
"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation."
--Bertrand Russell
"A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house."
--Unknown
"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
--Neva Faith Linn
"He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
--Neil Simon
"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
--Steven Wright
"Better to be forgotten than sued."
--Dave Weinbaum
"Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog."
--Unknown
"You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way."
--Will Rogers
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
--A. Whitney Brown
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
--Doug Larson
"There isn't much that I can do, but I can share an hour with you, and I can share a joke with you . . . as on our way we go."
--Maude V. Preston
